I don’t know how to do this.

I think about June Jordan's words too often: "And what shall we do, we who did not die?" Some of us did not die. I reside in a liminal space of feeling deeply grateful for the ways my body has carried me through the pandemic, especially as it has been carrying me more than I… Continue reading I don’t know how to do this.

Today I Went to the Doctor and Cried II

On Thursday night I spent 12 hours in the emergency room at Highland Hospital. I had forgotten how cold and lonely the ER is, waiting in old chairs under fluorescent lights, anxiety high, clutching my bag, mask on, avoiding contact with others, and waiting for my name to be called. I'm someone who believes in… Continue reading Today I Went to the Doctor and Cried II

Today I Went to the Doctor and Cried

It takes me a walk, a BART, and another walk to get to my doctor's office in the city. It's not a long journey for a carless person used to public transit, but over the years it's felt like a light year away. I love my current doctor. She is kind, clearly communicates with me,… Continue reading Today I Went to the Doctor and Cried

A Requiem for Rest and Life

This morning I woke up to multiple messages of folk checking in on me, saying they were thinking of George Floyd and wondering how I was doing, how I've been. I let the phone fall from my fingers, my thoughts mired in the space that for those who are not often in communication with me,… Continue reading A Requiem for Rest and Life

Healing in the Middle

Linear time and progress is one of the most harmful lies of white supremacy. Some things permanently alter you. Sometimes the world does stop. For me in 2016 when my life crashed and veered from a singular event, I expected that my relationship with it would be one that the farther I got from it,… Continue reading Healing in the Middle

“We Go Out for Sweets & Come Back”

Last night I tossed and turned, the air filled with a nightmare mix of air fresheners and bullets. This afternoon when I hit 'end' on my last call for the day, my body instantly doubled over, racked with uncontrollable tears, as I curled into a ball, holding myself and shaking. Daunte. Another name I should… Continue reading “We Go Out for Sweets & Come Back”

A Winter of Loneliness, Exhaustion, Solitude, Rest, and Gratitude

For the past few weeks the sun has decided to shine down on my slice of the Bay, bringing warmth and comfort as spring finally takes a steady hold of the land. I lift my head up to the sun each morning, close my eyes, and bask in delight as the rays dance across the… Continue reading A Winter of Loneliness, Exhaustion, Solitude, Rest, and Gratitude

What to Black People Is Safety?

In September of last year the increasingly devastating wild fire season in northern California brought apocalyptic orange and red skies to the Bay Area. I woke up one morning and looked out on a dark red glow to the sky, disoriented about the time of day. I thought the redness would shake, but as the… Continue reading What to Black People Is Safety?

Reading Esther in the Age of Trump and Another Cycle Around the Sun

It has been roughly a month and a half since my birthday. I usually write a reflection a day or two, or a few weeks after my birth. This has been the longest time. But in a pandemic year where we've been asked to shelter in place, time has taken on new meaning. Mainly, that… Continue reading Reading Esther in the Age of Trump and Another Cycle Around the Sun

Lovecraft Country and Forgotten Black Girls

I have loved the way that the Black women characters have been brought to the forefront of the storytelling in Misha Green's thrilling and provocative show Lovecraft Country. The uninterrupted wrath of Ruby. The expansive world and identities of Hippolyta. The resolve of Leti. Yet Diana's (Dee) plot line in the latest episode, "Jig-a-Bobo", reminded… Continue reading Lovecraft Country and Forgotten Black Girls